The risk of death by suicide may be greatest as the depression lifts.
They may now have the energy to commit suicide. The individual could now be experiencing a sense of relief knowing that the
end is now in sight.
Coping with the loss of a loved one
There are no words to describe the feelings you experience when you learn about the suicide of
a loved one. The initial reaction usually is one of total disbelief and then horror. Devastation would be an understatement.
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Then comes the stage where you play memories
over and over in your head, in some sort of attempt to find a reason behind it all, until the memories seem to haunt you.
Often left with no explanation or closure for the devastating grief you feel, you struggle to try to make some shred of sense
of it all.
According to the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention, it is estimated that for every suicide at least six other
people are intimately affected and left to survive the terrible loss. These survivors are often left stunned and troubled
by the powerful reactions they experience, which include:*
Shock is often the immediate reaction to suicide, along with a physical and emotional numbness. These are ways
of temporarily screening out the pain so it can be experienced in smaller, more manageable steps.
Depression may appear as disturbed sleep, fatigue, inability to concentrate, change in appetite, and the feeling
that nothing can make life worth living.
Anger may be part of the grief response, whether directed towards the deceased, another family member, a therapist,
or oneself.
Relief may be part of the reaction when the suicide followed a long decline into self-destructive behaviour and
mental anguish.
Guilt often surfaces as the feeling: "If only I had done ..., If only I had said or not said..."
Why? Many survivors struggle long and hard with this question.
These feelings usually diminish over the years, although some residual feelings may remain unresolved. It is usually crucial
for those surviving the suicide of a loved one to get treatment of some kind and to learn coping skills early on, so they
can begin to heal.
There are also a number of things that are important to remember. Recognising how best to accommodate and cope with these
feelings can help you advance the healing process:
Maintaining contact with other people is especially important in the stress-filled months after a loved one’s suicide.
Friends and relatives may feel uncomfortable and unable to offer consolation. Take the initiative to talk about the suicide
and ask for their help; it will also help them.
When you feel ready, share with your family and friends your feelings of loss and pain. Understand that each family member
may be grieving in his or her own way.
Children experience many of the feelings of adult grief. Remind them that they are still loved by sharing your thoughts
and feelings with them and asking them to share theirs with you.
Anniversaries, birthdays and holidays may be stressful reminders of the suicide. Plan these days to meet your own emotional
needs and those of your family.
You may need to feel guilty for a while before you can accept that you are not to blame and that you are only human, with
human limitations.
It is worth trying to understand the feelings of the deceased, but no-one gains when the struggle to understand becomes
the only activity that seems worthwhile.
It is important not only to be able to go on with your life, but eventually to enjoy life again, without feeling that
enjoyment is disloyal to the deceased.
The survivors of any death need comfort, support and trusted listeners with whom they can discuss their grief. The stigma
of suicide and the shame, guilt and blame that people feel often isolates suicide survivors in their grief. Many people find
relief in support groups where they can voice their feelings and learn from the experience of others.
Individual counselling with a mental health professional or clergy member is another option to help survivors through
their grief process.
It is very important not to isolate yourself. In his book Connect, psychiatrist Edward M. Hallowell, tells us that connectedness
(emotionally, psychologically, physically) - the feeling that we are part of something that matters, something larger than
ourselves that gives life its meaning, direction and purpose - is what sustains us. Maintaining that silver thread between
ourselves and people and things that nurture our souls is especially important in times of great loss.
* taken from Survivor at http://www.afsp.org/survivor/home.htm
For more information please contact the Depression and Anxiety Support Group on (011) 78 1474/6 or (011) 884 1797
What should one do when someone you love is suicidal? The Depression and Anxiety Support Group
has the following advice:
Take it seriously 75 percent of all suicides give some warning of their intentions to a friend or family member.
All suicide threats and attempts must be taken seriously, even those of teenagers among whom such threats are more common.
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Be willing to listen Take the
initiative to ask what is troubling them, and attempt to overcome any reluctance to talk about it. Even if professional help
is indicated, the person you care for is more apt to follow such a recommendation if you have listened to him or her. If your
friend or relative is depressed, don’t be afraid to ask whether he or she is considering suicide, or even if they have
a particular plan or method in mind.
Do not attempt to argue anyone out of suicide. Rather, let the person know you care and understand, that he or she is not
alone, that suicidal feelings are temporary, that depression can be treated, and that problems can be solved. Avoid the temptation
to say, "You have so much to live for", or "Your suicide will hurt your family".
Seek professional help Be actively involved in encouraging the person to see a physician or mental health professional
immediately. Since suicidal people often don’t believe they can be helped, you may have to do more. You can make a difference
by helping those in need find a knowledgeable mental health professional or a reputable treatment facility.
In an acute crisis Take the person to an emergency room or walk-in clinic at a psychiatric hospital. Do not
leave the person alone until help is available. Remove from the vicinity of the potentially suicidal person any firearms,
drugs, razors or scissors that could be used in a suicide attempt.
Medication and/or hospitalisation may be indicated and may be necessary at least until the crisis abates. If a psychiatric
facility is unavailable, call your local emergency number. Chances are the dispatcher can help you locate immediate psychiatric
treatment.
What about follow-up treatment? Suicidal patients are often hesitant to seek help and may run away after an
initial contact unless there is support for their continuing. If medication is prescribed, take an active role to make sure
the patient follows his/her prescription, and be sure to notify the doctor about any unexpected side effects. Often, alternative
medications can be prescribed.
For more information, contact the Depression and Anxiety Support Group at (011) 783 1474/6
